A few weeks ago, we were asked in one of our classes to describe our “why”. Why are we doing what we’re doing? Why are we here at CGA? What is it that drives us to make the decision to spend 3+ months fundraising and living without a paycheck? What makes us do what we do? What drives our passion?
At the time, I remember how much these questions hit me but it wasn’t until this afternoon that my mind was called back to my answer. I came across a notecard in my journal where I wrote out my “why”. The first few sentences talk about how God has changed my life over the past year and about halfway through, three sentences jumped off the page at me. They read, “Jesus touched me when I was untouchable. He poured himself into me when I had nothing to give in return. He pursued me when all I did was run.” This is the basis of my why. I have been given to so that I can give. I was touched so that I can touch. I was poured into so that I can pour out. I was pursued so that I can pursue. I originally wrote it in the past tense but looking back, it is so true in the present. I am currently being stretched and poured into and pursued and sometimes I want to run from it all.
This week has been hard. I’ve learned so much and grown so much but even so, it has been tough. This afternoon, I’ve felt drained emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Then I went on a walk to take photos for CGA social media. Out there taking pictures and talking with a sweet friend, God reminded me of my “why”. Yes, I’m exhausted. Yes, I feel overwhelmed today and yes, I feel a little tired of growing and dealing with the hard stuff. But even on Fridays full of exhaustion, I am so grateful for it all!
As I walked through the woods this afternoon, I felt God speaking to me about the things that make me come alive and the reason I am here. I’m not here to have it all together or to finish all of my projects and assignments perfectly. I didn’t come to CGA for comfort. I came to grow. I came because I know God has people for me to reach, to pour into, to pursue. He has given me passions and gifts and I’m here to learn to walk in them more fully and confidently. During Welcome Week, the Lord gave me a word for this season. He said, “I want you to run.” And even in the hard, the exhausting, the emotionally draining, I will not slow down.
