Something that I have learned over the past few months is that life is full of seasons. Some short, some long. Some full of happiness and certainty, others that look more like a dark abyss. Some seasons are easy. Things go as we would like, our desires are fulfilled the way we hope they would be, it’s easy to walk these seasons with joy. Other seasons force us to walk forward into the unknown. They are hard, frustrating, and full of uncertainty. It’s sometimes hard to see God’s hand at work in these seasons. It’s easy to panic and get caught in all the things that are unknown. This is the type of season that I have been in recently and it has been the most beautiful season I could ever have imagined!
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Just six months ago, I set off for Swaziland, Africa on a Passport trip planning to hug on orphans, live in great community, and then come back to start my sophomore year at college. I put these two months in a sort of contained box. I knew there would be a period of adjusting when I returned but I completely underestimated the effects that these two months would have on my life. More importantly, I underestimated God’s ability to change my world in two months time. While I was in Africa, God broke through walls and He shined life into every part of my heart. He became real to me, more than a story, more than a set of rules. As Christ became alive to me, my eyes were opened to passions and desires that had lay dormant for so long. He showed me His power, His provision, He showed me what it looks like to love the very least of these. He opened my eyes to areas in my life where I was settling for “normal” and “accepted”. He brought me to life! My heart was beating for something more but my mind was frantically trying to shut these feelings down.
Halfway through my time in Africa, God started to stir this feeling that college was not where He would have me at this time. I straight out told God no! No way! I had just gotten accepted to transfer to a new school with an amazing communications program. I had roommates, an apartment, friends who I had already known for years. While it was a change, it was so comfortable and until this morning sitting on a mountain in Swaziland, it felt perfect. Suddenly, this perfect plan that I had concocted could not have felt more flawed. I called my parents two weeks later from a little cafe in Africa and told them the things God was doing in my heart. From this moment forward, I knew God had other plans for this next season in my life.
I now knew exactly what God did not have for me, but I was still in the dark as to what He did have for me. When I first heard about CGA from my trip leaders, I quickly dismissed it. My heart was going in a million different directions and for some reason, I pushed CGA aside. That is until I sat alone in the Atlanta airport after saying goodbye to my team. The Lord brought CGA to mind again and two weeks later I found out I had been accepted.
While in Africa, God showed me how He sees me. He doesn’t see me as timid, quiet, not enough, shameful, fearful or uncertain. I’m worthy, free, His daughter, made for so much more, beautiful, fearless and full of passion! The things that make me come alive are from The Lord and they are not mistakes! Encouraging, discipling, leading, writing, building deep one on one relationships, noticing the forgotten and speaking worth over women and girls who see themselves as anything but. These are the things that God has placed in my heart and He has made it so clear that CGA is the place for me to grow and blossom into an even greater steward of these passions! CGA is a place where I can be challenged, called higher, and encouraged to step out where God is calling. This time at CGA is a time of equipping. A time for me to grow in so many areas. A time for me to pursue all that God has placed on my heart and allow Him to work in whatever way He wants. All I can do is jump all in with hands wide open, ready to receive all that I know He will pour out during this time.
This season has been hard. It wasn’t easy to walk away from my idea of perfect. It hasn’t been easy explaining the things God is doing in my life and receiving people’s doubt. It hasn’t been easy as God has challenged my selfish and unforgiving heart. But guess what! This season has been so perfect! God has uncovered so much in my heart, preparing me for this new season at CGA. I don’t know what it will look like but that’s ok. I’ m learning to see the beauty in all seasons, even those that are uncomfortable, especially in the uncomfortable!
CGA is a leap of faith, a full surrender to God, and I couldn’t be more excited to jump knowing that He has more in store for me than I could ever imagine!
