Arrival. It’s a desirable and overly idealized word in todays society. We learn to want it from the time we are very young. We learn to dislike the journey and hold out for the excitement of the outcome. Whether its waiting for graduation or just the end of a long car ride, we are hard wired to be constantly looking ahead to the moment of arrival. Lately, I’ve noticed this kind of mentality in myself in relation to my walk with the Lord. Over the past few months I can see a pattern of waiting and avoiding and putting things off for the day when I’m no longer messy. No longer weak in certain areas or dealing with the tough emotions. I dream about the day when I can effortlessly walk in my complete and whole identity, without struggle. For the day when I no longer walk in this sin or deal with that emotion. Or for the next season in life which I have convinced myself will be so much better and less of a struggle than the current one. Then, and only then, when I have reached this “arrival” point, will I be fully satisfied.
Over the past two weeks, God has been revealing to me how sweet the mess is. Obviously there will never be an “arrival” moment while we are here on earth and for the first time in awhile, I’m ok with that.
Its in the times of breakthrough, hard conversations, crying your eyes out during worship, pouring your heart out and trusting God will protect it, its in these moments that I fall in love with the mess. Please don’t misunderstand this as settling for sin but rather think of it as making a choice to live in the moment, wherever God has placed me. I’m going to feel whatever emotions He gives me to feel, go to the hard places He is calling me to go, and sob through worship because thats how much He’s moving in my heart. I want to be satisfied in the journey and see sweetness and restoration down every tough road. I want to walk where God calls even when I don’t feel ready. I want to stop using whatever my current emotional state is as a crutch for why I can’t go where God is leading. I don’t want to hold out for perfection but instead start walking forward knowing that God doesn’t hold my imperfection against me. I’m ready to stop asking, “are we there yet?” and instead take action wherever I’m at.
