Last week, I sat on my bed confused and frustrated. Something felt off. I felt disconnected from God and just burnt out on this season of life. I would try to read but nothing was sticking in my head. I would pray and I felt like I was talking to empty air. My thoughts wandered and I quickly moved on to some other task that felt easier to accomplish. No matter what I did, this feeling of disconnect was still there.
Later that night I pulled out my journal and started writing down how I felt. I wrote for 4 pages. Fear, anxiousness, overwhelmed, lacking trust, uncertainty; these were all feelings that spilled across the page. “God why am I feeling these things and how do I make them go away? Why do I do act this way or do this thing? What am I supposed to do about this certain plan?” Before I could get much further, I started to get the word “be”. Be? Be what? Then God started to speak to me about how I had forgotten how to simply “be” in His presence. I had fallen into this pattern of always coming to Him with an agenda. “Ok Lord I have an hour of time tonight and I need to know why I do this thing” or, “I need clarity about this plan and I need you tell me now”. When I stopped to think, I couldn’t remember the last time that I had just come before the Lord and allowed myself to just be with Him. Even in worship, I was looking for answers and clarity. I forgot what it meant to sit in the sweetness of the Lord and allow Him to do whatever He wants to do.
This season of life is full of discovery, self awareness, and getting to the root of why I do the things I do. Through this, I’m learning how to lead others by first learning how to walk myself into emotional and spiritual health. So much has happened in the past 3 months and all kinds of growth has taken place. I have gone to parts of myself that I didn’t think I needed to go. I’ve learned so much about the gifts I have to offer and the truths that I walk in. God has revealed so many wonderful and amazing things!
However, lately, I’ve allowed my relationship with the Lord to be identified by revelation.
I had forgotten how to just be with God, praise Him, worship Him, grow in intimacy just by spending time with Him. I always came needing a big revelation or breakthrough when God just wanted to spend time with me.
Last week, I sat in a field with my Bible and journal and said, “Ok God, I want what you want out of this time. Show me what it looks like to just rest in the beauty of your presence.” This is what He spoke to me during that time.
“You’re mine and I enjoy just being with you. Let me walk with you. You do know that I love being with you? I love to walk with you and you are enough for me.”
God loves to be with me!! He loves when I come before Him and just tell Him how much I adore Him! He loves when I want to read His word just because I want to know Him more. He loves when I let it all out in worship just because I want to praise His name. I don’t have to always come to Him with an agenda or a list of questions. I am learning that the times where I just show up are often the times God speaks the most.
Perhaps you can relate in some way? It is easy to always come to the Lord asking for something when in reality, He just wants us to come. I challenge you this week to sit with God with no agenda. Sit with Him and tell Him how much you love Him! Ask Him what He wants your time together to look like! You will be amazed what can happen when you lay down what you think you need and allow God to take over.
